Dear John,

I'm not going to write a review on Taylor Swift's new album, "Speak Now". You can find plenty of those everywhere.
I would like to start off by saying I love everything Taylor Swift does. She is an absolute genius when it comes to song writing. I don't know whats better, her melodies or the stories that every song tells.
But there is one story that caught my eye... "Dear John".
This is obviously about John Mayer, I think everyone and their grandmother knows that.

Now, like I said I love T-Swift, but... let's be honest here... it's John Mayer. I feel like I should stick up for him or something. He just got bashed by one of the biggest artists in the world.

The chorus:

"Dear John I see it all now that you're gone
Don't you think I was too young to be messed with
The girl in the dress, cried the whole way home
I see it all that you're gone"

The song is amazing but I really just want to tell Taylor,
Come on now, it's John Mayer, what did you expect?? Making people cry is what he does best. It's probably not easy being the biggest bad ass in the world.

Anyway, I heard some people saying the song skewed their fantasy of John Mayer, which is kind of stupid 'cuz everyone knows John Mayer is known for being an asshole. He is a sarcastic prick and I absolutely love it. He doesn't give a shit and he even admits it. So this song doesn't surprise me at all.

Whatever, I love both of them equally.

Alright, I gotta cut this short 'cuz I hear the timer going off, which means my cookies are done.
I hope I didn't offend anyone.

Bye!

-Ryan

Short Story Long.

Here's another short story...

Last night, Justin, Stephen, Jess, our friend Kody and I decided to go to our favorite bar in the entire world, Toby Keith's. It was pretty much a celebration that Stephen is finally leaving (God, talk about over staying your welcome).
That was a joke. But back to the story... Okay, so we all decided to just get hammered and go crazy. I mean, not that we usually don't do that anyway...

I'll keep this short.

At Toby Keith's there is this bar tender that is literally in love with me. Or, maybe it's the other way around. I don't remember. Anyway, she hooks us all up with pretty cheap drinks. She might have given me a shot of Soco and lime (you know, like the Brand New song, minus the Amaretto) and it set my night off right. I don't remember what else I drank, so that's irrelevant.

Next part...

2 A.M. rolls around and the bouncer grabbed my drink out of my hands and told us all to leave. Little did they know, I brought my sleeping bag. But that plan failed. So we decided to peace out.
We didn't want to call a cab, cuz Toby took too much of our money, so we called our very good friend, Adelaide (yes, THE adelaidejoy.tumblr.com). Adelaide came and picked us up and started driving us home. Then of course, everyone wants Whataburger, except for me, because I have my head hanging out the window. My tummy wasn't feeling so good. So we go through the drive-thru and the second I hear everyone yelling, "I want a what-a-meal, double meat, large fry, and a coke!"... I just started hurling up everything I drank in the past 4 hours. Yep, right out the window in the drive-thru.
Apparently I throw up very loud and there were about 20 people in the parking lot next to us, just staring.
Obviously there moms never taught them it was rude to stare at people throwing up in a Whataburger drive-thru at 2:30 AM.

I'm going to stop writing now because I just realized I sound like an alcoholic.
And because I just decided I want Whataburger...

I hope the lady in the drive-thru doesn't recognize me...
fml.

My First Kiss Went A Little Like This...

Church Camp. 8th Grade.

Now obvioulsy I had pecked girls before on the play ground in elementary school or what-not. But this kiss at church camp, right under God's eyes, was a sin.

This female stuck her tongue so far down my throat I thought I was being probed by an alien. It was disgusting and I was pissed. Everyone had told me making out is the best thing in the world and I was so excited... Then I was left with something that would haunt me for years to come.

Well, long story short, her and I didn't last... Pretty sure God told me to end it with her right after he witnessed that face sucking.

I don't know why I wrote this, I was bored and heard the 3oh!3/Ke$ha song "My First Kiss" and thought I would share my story here, rather than write a song about it.

Dear God,
I hope she doesn't read this...

=/

Love,
Ryan

One Of My Favorite Songs And Some Of The Best Lyrics I've Ever Read...

You should all read these lyrics and listen to the song. He is a genius.

Nikorette by Conor Oberst

I'm just trying to stay a human being
Sittin' in the sun eatin' ice cream
Texting my friend about a bad, bad dream
Just had to tell someone who knows me

But I don't got time for this cuckoo clock
And I don't want to go to your Mason Lodge
There's nothing more sad than a lynching mob
Full of rational men who believe in God

But nothing makes sense when the wave rolls through
Nothing makes sense when the wave come through
So it coulda been me or it coulda been you
Whatever's in me is whatever's in you

My neighbor dreams big because his house is small
Says all he needs now is some capital
It's a pirate world, it's a free-for-all
They steal your bright ideas and they make them dull

Now everyone I see I think I've known before
From the opera house to the grocery store
My love for them, I cannot ignore
Like a human voice in a quiet morgue

But I don't want to wear no dead man's suit
I don't want to wear no dead man's suit
I don't want to wait until the moon gets blue
I don't want to wait until the moon turns blue

Well, it's all just a fix
Just one little hit
You'll hold it in

Sitting on a plane chewing Nicorette
Paradise lost, haven't found it yet
Will you talk me down if I get upset?
Be the cool washcloth to my fevered head

'Cause I don't want to dream if it don't come true
I don't want to dream if it don't come true
If there's something in me, well, I guess it's in you
If there's somewhere in me, then I know it's in you

Whiskeytown... I mean, Tucson, Arizona.

So, here's a quick story.

Last night we got asked to play at this bar in Tucson, Arizona on two days notice. We played for two hours or so and I think I speak for the rest of the band when I say it was one of the best nights in a long time. We played pretty much every song we've ever written, along with a few covers. We were honestly kind of hesitant to play this show because it was 21 and up, at a bar, in a college town. There was definitely a possibility of getting booed off stage haha. Fortunately, everyone was amazing and danced and had a good time.

The bartenders were very accommodating and generous... Which might have been a problem (for me anway). We got a free bar tab and I think everyone went a little crazy. Now, I just happen to weigh 40-50 lbs less than everyone else that I was drinking with so it definitely hit me a little harder. I was pretty much shit-faced. And, well, you guys get the idea, so I'll just wrap up the story with: I'm basically not allowed to talk on stage anymore while being intoxicated.

Apparently I just kept calling the town of Tucson, "Whiskeytown" and making very lame jokes that were only funny to me =/
Oh well... I had a blast and will never forget how amazing the night was.

If you like our music, I thank you and love you from the bottom of my heart. You make life so enjoyable for me, I can't even describe it.

"You Had To Be There"

I'm just going to share a pointless story with you because I am bored. And I know this blog is going to sound incredibly mean but I really don't care.

Now, this is very random but I just want to let you know, when people fall/trip/slip/stumble, I laugh, I laugh out loud, and I sometimes even point, because it is extremely funny :/

For instance, last night I was at a bar with two of my friends that nobody would know. Their names are Justin and Stephen and sometimes they're cool...
Anyway, we were drinking whiskey and cola, having a nice conversation, sitting at the bar. The DJ was bumpin' really cool music like Ke$ha and Lil' Wayne all night, and people were having a great time dancing.
There was one girl in particular that should have stopped drinking 8 drinks ago and should have worn more clothing. She thought her shit didn't stink and decided to run up to some guy, and pretend to hump him (because guys find that attractive...NOT). Well... the floor might have been a little wet from people spilling their drinks. Or maybe she is just clumsy, I don't know. And it really doesn't matter, 'cuz either way... She ate shit. And she ate shit hard. Her feet flew out from beneath her and she was completely parallel with the ground before she smacked down on the cold hard floor.
I laughed. Justin laughed and 50 other people that witnessed the entire thing laughed. Because it was funny.
Until her face turned the color of a fire truck and then I felt terrible and gave her a hug.

Fortunately, she had a great attitude, eventually laughed it off, and went back to binge drinking and dry humping dudes.

Well anyway, I hope I used enough adjectives and described the story well enough so you can maybe laugh also. Otherwise I feel like an idiot and it was one of those "you had to be there" stories.

Great... why did I even write this. Fml.

How To Make A Sandwich.

So, it's Saturday, the day after Friday night. And the afternoon is turning into the evening. The only movement I've done today is from my bed, to the kitchen, then finally posting up on the couch. I haven't let a glimpse of sunlight come inside the apartment and don't plan on letting that happen for the rest of the day. It feels great, but I needed to do something to get that "accomplished" feeling...

So, I made a sandwich. And this is how I make a sandwich. (I recommend you try it)

- (2 slices) Sara Lee's Honey Wheat Bread
- (1 slice) Swiss cheese - from deli only
- (1 slice) Muenster cheese - once again, deli only
- (3 thin slices) Turkey Pastrami - yup, deli only
- Honey Mustard on one slice of bread
- Mayo on other slice of bread
- Dill pickle (sandwich style) *optional*
- Red Devil hot sauce (use at own discretion) *mandatory*

There you have it guys... When I don't feel like driving to Taco Bell, this is what I make.
Try it and let me know what you think, and/or if you have any recommendations. I'm always down to try something new.

Sincerely,

Ryan

P.S. this blog sounds way too serious to be a sandwich recipe, I know...